Mars Rover Discovers Curiosity in the Dust: An Impact Less Exciting than Your Neighbor's Vacation Slideshow

In breaking news from Mars, the esteemed Curiosity Rover has arrived at Gediz Vallis Ridge on Mount Sharp, making an impact far less thrilling than the ceaseless drone of your neighbor's vacation photo slideshow. The momentous event occurred earlier this week, reportedly sending tremors of apathy through the space exploration community.

Gediz Vallis Ridge, a feature as ancient as your Aunt Esther's dentures and nearly as interesting, was once a rushing river system 3 billion years ago. Today, it chiefly consists of dust and rocks which are remarkably similar to the seemingly endless number of pebble pictures your neighbor insists on sharing from their recent trip to Pebble Beach.

While the journey to Gediz Vallis Ridge was a formidable feat over the course of several years, it inexplicably enthralls about as much interest as the dialogue about your neighbor's new sprinkler system installations. Key statistics indicate that 85% of the earth's population would rather watch videos of drying paint than follow the rover's 14-mile trek that it accomplished in 2920 Martian days.

Scientist Dr. Geoffrey Hawthorne, from the prestigious Cerulean Institute of Planetary Exploration, was quoted as proclaiming, 'Indeed, the accumulation of dust on the rover's panels was more enthralling than the ridge itself. Having said that, it still scored significantly less than the worldwide approval rating for watching dental cleaning procedures.'

On the other side, Space enthusiast and part-time conspiracy theorist, Alfie Bernard stated, 'If they'd just found an alien soda can or an extraterrestrial endorsement for flossing, that would have knocked Mr. Johnson's high def slideshow of Hawaiian waterfalls right out of the neighborhood limelight.' Bernard's views are shared by an overwhelming majority of 93.5%, to the chagrin of slideshow enthusiasts everywhere. This collective space indifference means reshuffling of family time priorities at an unprecedented scale as the rover's progress painstakingly continues.

Whether you're a rover fanatic or a former neighborhood slideshow advocate, one thing is certain from the Curiosity Rover's latest adventure: It's all rock and dust; eons old but still collectively less engaging than your neighbor spending 20 minutes describing his new vacation trip tracksuit. As Earth collectively yawns, we brace ourselves for the next thrilling report of interstellar dust collection.

Based on: NASA rover finds place where extraordinary events occurred on Mars